I want to start making things

at this point that's limited by something coming to me
the information on the location of my last purchase
My ability to sketch out things for a flash
my ability to write out a script for a fanfic
my ability to write out the plot to another fanfic
the time I have free, which is supposed to be more during the summer, but school and money may turn that on me
My ability to learn about internet and how to help Gato make things better
The ability to have my cosplay wants filled

I need someone to help push me

I can do all of these things if I just have someone to poke me with a stick till they are done...

heck school couldn't do that and it ruled my life, so unless someone one there decided to actively do something to help me I think I'm out of luck

I want to do these things, but at the same time I just want to be told what to do..

I need Gato's help for filler pig, and if I get the pig to work I can turn that over and advance the base even more

with some luck that can advance my flash making ability, right now it's a working plan, just needs bones to deal with...

I want to make my fanfic
I want to make my fan flash
I want to start filler pig
I want to use pig to advance my flash skills
I want to take a more active role as HPBM (which means figuring out things and doing something about them)
I want to spend my time wisely, so I need a plan
I want to make sure that I know what I am going to do with school, if funds run dry then I need work, and I need to find a job near where I will go to school...

Getting work isn't bad, my own hesitations with loseing what I have and hold dear...plus the idea that the only places for school are Corvallis, Portland, or Eugene...I don't mind any...but when it comes right down to it I don't know any of them that well..

Portland is the biggest and has the most to it, but it's also massively giant and cost more then the rest, it will take the longest to get used to, but once I Have something solid there then the rest is easy to work with

Eugene is like Portland only smaller, but the school there is limited, and I'm not sure what else it has past that, work is possible, and cost isn't that bad, but I'm not sure what I gain from there that I don't from Portland...save for loseing the mass that is Portland...

Corvallis is closest to me and would take the least amount of time to get used to, but it is the place that I grow the least, it's a step uip for sure, but I won't be there more then a year before I and right back here again, needing to find higher work

I think I'd like to live in Portland, but I'd like to know that moving there I could get my life started

work and schoiol being the big issues, to say nothing about finding a place to live...

If I knew that I had a house up trhere, and that there was a job for me, then I have no problem moving there

As is I need to make sure that I have several thousands of dollars while I job hunt up there

Once I have work, then I turn around and start school once things are in order. I don't know how long that would take, but it seems very hard and based off of things I don't know

all this is under the consideration that I'm alone in this, and for all I know I will be. What people around me that would be moving with, I don't know of their situations, giving concern to them leave3ing before I am ready, or me being the reason they aren't moving...with the first happening very likely in my head...

I know that if I lose what I hold as more rare to me that my life will change drastically...and while this change will give it complete stability...it also kills who I am as a person...it can be done...but I fear it...because it will be my only solution...

I want to finish my LBCC school, then go to another school and get my Business administration degree, once I have that then I start to figure out which school would be best, or if I can get a job right there...The problem is that when I go to the next school after LB that seems to be Corvallis more then anything else, which is fine, but the next move is so close to that start and I have to make a major jump to somewhere else...as is it took a $6000 loan to go from the Navy to LB...and I still don't have any money...

I want to enjoy what little LB time I have left, then go to Corvallis, then look into Portland as the next place, I want to take my time with this to make sure that I don't run out of time...as is I don't know how much longer I can stay in the Linn area...but I assume no more then a year...at the same time I don't know what classes I have left or how I will get the money to pay for things...I assume that work study and savings will kick back on eventually..but so far they haven't and it's been a year fighting them...

I am very very afraid of loseing everything...money, friends, family...everything...

I need to finish this school, then get my degree before I can move on, and since I don't have the promise of future money I fear running out and having nothing left in my life but fast food...which means I get money...but I don't have a way of ever getting back on teh school track if I have to save for it all...

I just need to know what is going on around me...I need people to show that they give a crap about me...that they want me to be a part of their lives...

right now I have people telling me that others care...or telling me that I matter...but I need to see it...or at least know that things are going to go okay because people want me...need me...care about what happens..

I feel so alone...I just feel like I'm fighting to get some place...and when I finally do arrive the chances that anyone will still be there, or even want me there is so very low...

I am going to try and make things...because doing that helps keep me focuses...and if I do that in my spare time while finishing school then it will look like I've done soemthing...

enjoy my time, finish school...

find some type of answer to 'who cares if I ____"